Tantric Dating: Is This Love Block Stopping You From Finding Your Soulmate?

After 11 years of spiritual reatreat I left the monastery and went out into the world in search of romantic love. During those years of monastic life I had no contact with media or the influence of society. Consequently I had an open mind and heart in my approach to finding a lover. But that would soon change.

Initially I was rather inexperienced when it came to looking for a partner. On one hand I knew myself very deeply spiritually, but on the other hand I didn’t really know myself well in the context of love and dating. I needed time and experiences to grow and mature that side of myself.

During the next few years I gradually slipped into the spell of social media and frenetic stressful modern society. I was using several different online dating sites, and discovering how to use digital technology… mobile phones, computers, Facebook… there was a lot I had to catch up with after my time away from the world.

But I didn’t notice the negative effect that this social media was having on me.

I was unaware of the love block that was developing within me.

With so much focus in the media on physical appearance, I was becoming more and more obsessed with looks. With online dating I would flick rapidly through hundreds of photos of women… with so much choice I felt I could be picky and select only those profiles that met my criteria about looks. Without realising it I had developed a very specific “type” that I believed I was attracted to, and I rejected anyone who didn’t fit into that type.

I spend several years going down that path of dating and trying to find love based on my “type” and the specific criteria I was looking for in a partner.

The media can influence, even corrupt us, in a very powerful manner. The media favours representations of “perfect” women with all the right size and proportions, and images of men who look as if they’ve come right out of a Hollywood movie… young, fit, wealthy and successful. Even so called “personal growth” media can subtly brainwash you into believing that you can, and should, find exactly the lover that you want. Under the guise of “having standards”, and manifesting your “dream partner”, because “you deserve it”, we can fall into this trap of becoming too restricted and narrow-minded in our search for love.

Popular dating apps encourage this love block.

With many dating apps designed to focus on that first impression of appearance, modern dating culture has become too obsessed about physical looks. And with social media training us to have an attention span of about 8 seconds, online dating has been reduced to making split-second judgements about people based on their profile photo. In the space of 60 seconds you might choose to reject 60 amazing deep beautiful people. That’s 60 potential opportunities for love, immediately discarded and closed off within a minute of your day.

Listen to the podcast episode of this post, over on TheTantricLife.com

I spent several years having bad luck with dating and relationships. That’s not to say I didn’t have good memories. I met some lovely women, and shared beautiful moments. But I struggled to find that deeper connection that could fulfill me at a soul level.

But that all started to change as soon as I discovered Tantra.

I already knew a fair bit about Tantra as a solo practice from my time with my Guru. But when I started going to Tantra workshops I experienced the beauty of Tantric connection with others. I began to understand that intimate connection and chemistry is deeper when it is associated more with the energy and presence of a person, instead of merely their physical looks.

Before long I found that I was letting go of that attachment to wanting a specific “type” of partner. Instead I opened myself to dating more diverse women. I realised that I was attracted more to the energy and presence of a woman, rather than the colour of her skin, eyes, or hair, or the size and proportions of her body. I would get turned on more by the way a woman could look me in the eye or gently touch me with her hand, transmiting her fun, sensual, loving energy.

Since then I have now met my beloved, who I am happy to call my “life partner”. And she is way different from the physical “type” I used to believe I wanted. We have a beautiful, deep, and loving relationship. It has it’s share of ups and downs, but it has remained strong and stable over time.

Tantric dating helps to clear your love blocks.

How exactly we manifested each other into our lives involved a number of factors, including some aspects of Law of Attraction. But one important factor was this letting go of being too focused on a specific type, especially the physical appearance. This is one thing that characterises Tantric dating.

Tantra teaches that everyone is a unique expressing of Divine beauty. And that means that eveyone has something deeply loveable about them. But sometimes it is not immediatley apparent, or it may require certain conditions or environment to see and connect with a person’s inner beauty.

Taking a tantric approach to dating involves letting go of too much importance on the physical looks. Physicla looks are important, but they are not the most important thing in creating connection. In tantric dating you relax into your own divine beauty and you take the time to see the divine beauty of the other person. You stay open to possibilities. You explore different modes of connection, perhaps through fun and laughter, or through sensual touch, or through sharing moments. You keep in mind that this person who is with you right now in this moment has the potential to be your beloved. Maybe nothing will come of it, or maybe yes, who knows. But you can at least connect in love for this moment right now.

In her little book Tantric Dating: Bringing Love and Awareness to the Dating Process, Catherine Auman talks about how you can be attracted to a person without even knowing what they look like physically.

A common activity in Tantra workshops is to wear a blindfold while you touch and make physical contact with other people. When you close off your visual sense and explore connecting with others in this way, you are feeling into the energy and vibration of a person. Through touch you can feel sensuality, gentleness, strength, understanding, and also vulnerability. It’s very possible to be attracted and feel love for someone with whom you might never normally do so if the eyes were the primary mode of contact.

Try this Tantric Tip to create more connection when dating.

So a Tantric dating tip for you is to try interacting with a person without your visual sense.

If you’ve just started chatting online with someone and you’re feeling comfortable enough, go to the next step and get on a voice call with each other. But no video cam… audio only. Try to connect through the sound of their voice.

If it’s with someone with whom you have already met in person, invite them to play with the both of you blind folded. It can be with clothes on or off… depending on how much confidence you feel with each other. You can also try with just one of you blind folded, taking turns. This is a really fun way to explore the sense of touch, and to let go of the importance of visual stimulation.

This blinfold game is also a great activity for couples who are losing interest in their sex life. It’s a fun way to reignite that passion, awaken libido, and enjoy intimate connection.

By letting go of your attachment to how a person looks, and instead opening to feeling their energy and presence, you remove one of the huge barriers that has probably prevented you from finding deeper love and connection with someone.